The Report that Pwned

This doesn’t feel right.

As Gene, Tina, Art, and I entered the classroom after a quick break, our classmates just kept on staring at the four of us.

It was the second half of the Managerial Communication group reports. The four of us were among the first ones who presented. I thought it was just a normal reporting day, but I just realised that it was more than that.

Before we went for the break, a lot of my classmates circled around me.

“Hey, you sound like a lecturer… Excellent,” said one black guy.

“Wow, you were really good. You will be a good manager someday,” said another Indian girl.

I really am confused. I just did the report the normal way I would’ve done back home. I might get a C+ back in college based on my performance a while ago. But here, a distinction can be probable, based on my classmates’ comments.

“You Filipinos sound really assertive. Your friend’s English is excellent!” a classmate said to Art.

Now I understand. Since Filipinos were taught in English ever since kindergarten, we naturally have the grasp of the language unlike other nationalities It became more prominent as Gene reported with her pure American accent, while I did mine with a British American accent.

Only Art and Tina reported with their very thick promdi accents. Nakakahiya.

Yeah, I know, I am so mean.

----

It was the second half of reporting, and it was Akhal’s group turn to report.

See, in our class full of Africans and Indians, there’s not much good-looking blokes to choose from, really. But the Turkish are another thing. Especially him.

I’ve been eyeing him ever since class started. With his rugged look, short David Archuleta-ish hair, matangos na nose, and bluish grey eyes, and his excellent taste for fashion, he is an item.

Not to mention his intellectual ability’s fairly high after he answered a very hard accounting question on the board one time.

The way he spoke in his report was outstanding for an Eastern European. He has a good command of the language. His voice was crystal clear and soothing to one’s ear. It really got me hooked up.

I can say that he’s my class crush. Now, if only he were gay as well.

As if.

----

“Where are we going again?” I asked Art.

We had just alighted at Embankment Station. It was already half 5.

“Let’s just go to Starbucks first. Your work starts at 6, yeah?” he said.

“But…“ I don’t really have the time and money to have another cup of coffee.

“Come on, just accompany me… Please?” Damn it… if it weren’t for his unusual infectious smile, I wouldn’t have given in.

-----

“Here’s your Caramel Macchiato, mate.” Art gave me the tall cup I ordered.

I was reading the front page of the Evening Standard today. Another Tube strike coming soon. Oh great.

“Finally, the reports are over,” Art exclaimed. “I hope we get to pwn our other classmates who do nothing but blabber.”

“Of course, we pwned them. Did you notice the way they looked at us after the break? They can’t believe that we have The Voices.” Well, normally, since they are the ones who recite frequently, we just let them be keeping our mouths shut. That’s why it’s practically the first time our classmates heard us speak.

“Haha. But well, you and Gene were the best ones, I think. Your accent was wicked, but you still shift to the American one from time to time. Hahaha!” I think I blushed a bit when he said that.

“You’re not bad as well,” I said half-heartedly. Well, I am partly lying since Art reported with a very strong promdi accent…. A slight major turn off for a Manilenyo like me.

“Yeah, if only Hoang didn’t take too long on the introduction, I would’ve spoken a bit more,” he said. Thank God his groupmate went over the time. I am such a bad arse.

“Oh, it’s nearly 6, I have to go Art,” I said, as I packed my stuff. “How much is the Macchiato?”

“Oh, no worries… my treat for today, for a job well done.” He smirked again.

“Eh, no need to. Cmon how much?” I was careful not to push him too much, since he might really let me pay for the drink.

“No no Josh, just think of it as an apology for last week,” he winked.

I was kind of speechless once again. Why does my mouth fail me whenever I am with Art?

“Go, Josh, your manager might kill you!” He’s already at the entrance door.

“Fine fine wait up!”

So, he treated me. There isn’t any meaning aside from the fact that he is really liable for the treachery last week… right?

My mind is saying one thing, but my heart is saying another thing.

I am really weak when it comes to sweet petty things such as these.

I think I am having a serious crush on him. Tsk.

Hard-to-Get Money

I just threw the phone as far away from me as possible.

I had just talked to my Mom. She said not to collect the 5 pound debt from Tito Riz. I bought some groceries for Tito a few days ago, and I was waiting for him to pay me back.

This is so unfair. I am still mad at Gene, Tina, and Art for what they did the week before. I am still speaking to them in class, but I just wanted to stay away from them for now. I am not getting really good vibes at the moment.

Seems everyone wants to take a hold of my hard earned money. If that is the case, then please cover my 500 pound monthly expense please, so that I can have the cash to shop for more coats and gadgets.

European Goodies

Gupps: So I’m guessing you’ll not need Downelink na, with all the European goodies around.

I just stared at message he sent me. Gupps is one of my few cyberfriends I made when I made a dummy YM account. It was my pastime before to talk to random PLUs while waiting for my university application and my visa.

I have to agree with him in some point for another. There is a huge supply of hot Europeans roaming around London. You can see them everywhere…. In buses, Tubes, trains, restaurants, cafes, retail outlets, etc.

My favourite place would be the Tube… Since my commute to work normally takes around 1 hour or more, I can just sit there and watch the cute guy sitting right in front of me.

They come in various features… some are rugged. Some are clean cut and boyish, while others just look sleek in their business outfit. Most of them are tall, but some are almost the same height as me. Short Caucasians are rare, but if I do find one, I am almost tempted to strike a conversation with them.

Then again, I am such a coward to even have qualms on checking the gay pubs out.

Yes, there might be a huge supply of good looking lads here, but as with most Western countries, most people here are aggressive. They treat one night stands like drinking a glass of beer.

I am not that kind of person. I want something more than just a mere fuck. I am not just a piece of meat waiting to be devoured by a flock of vultures.

 I am a person… a person with a heart… a heart capable of loving.

Will I be blessed with a hot European bloke that can love me because I am me, and not because I am just an exotic Oriental?

I hope so, but the world doesn’t work that way always.

The Treachery

It’s Friday once again, and Gene, Tina, and Art were once again dragging me for a night out with them.

“Come on Josh, we know you’ve already received your first pay!” Art sneered, as we went down London Bridge station.

“Libre, libre!” Gene chanted.

I am not really a fan of eating out, especially in London. But well, since I just got my first payslip, maybe I should give “myself” a treat. Note: myself, not them.

“So where should we go then?” Gene asked. We were standing by the big Tube map inside the station.

“How about Canary Wharf?” I suggested.

“Been there, and it’s far!” Gene exclaimed.

“How about Cheese-weeck?” Art said, pointing to the station on the District line that spelled ‘Chiswick.’

“It’s Chis-ick!!!” Wow. I can’t believe all three of us said it in unison. Art has this bad habit of not taking note of the different pronunciations of British place names, such as ‘Tot-num’ for Tottenham, ‘Hoe-bun’ for Holborn, and ‘Les-ter’ for Leicester.

“Act like a Londoner, will you?” I demanded. But I like the way he’s confused with these things. It makes him so lovable. Shit.

“How about Marble Arch? I wanna check out the large Primark store there,” said Tina.

“Hmm, great idea. I wanna check something out as well. Marble Arch then,” Gene seconded her suggestion.

“Cool, let’s go there then. It’s just near To-ten-ham,” Art interjected.

The three of us gave him a piercing glare.

-----

“We’re so lucky, man!” Art said. “There were those hot gals standing beside us in the Tube.”

“Yeah, yeah, so lucky indeed,” I said boringly. Damn it Art, stop doing this to me.

I zipped my jacket tightly as we got off at Bond Street station. It was 8 degrees, but people seemed not to care as they just went on with their shopping and strolling.

I looked around. Shops were starting to do their Xmas sales already. After a few minutes, we finally arrived at the huge Primark in Oxford Street. It’s like Britain’s version of Landmark, where all garments can be bought at like 50% cheaper than other retail outlets. Here’s the catch though… it’s always jampacked!

While Tina and Gene checked some dresses out on the ground floor in Primark, Art and I checked out the men’s coats in the first floor. I have to buy something for winter as soon as possible.

“Try this out.” Art handed me this extra small grey trench coat. I tried it on.

“Wow, it looks good on you, my fellow Londoner,” he said, smiling.

I checked the tag price…. 30 quid. Fudge.

“Oh come on, Josh, it will be useful for you for the colder months ahead. Besides, you’ll earn that 30 quid again in a day’s time.”

Somehow, Art has this power of persuasion that can make me do almost anything… except divulging my deepest, darkest secrets… not to mention that I have a ‘slight’ crush on him.

“Oh fine,” I muttered, as I headed off to the counter.

-----

“Aba, Josh is already spending some money, finally!” Tina jeered.

We were in Garfunkels in Bond Street having our dinner. It helped a bit as Art agreed to share this big BBQ platter with me for 20 pounds. So I just need to write off a tenner as dinner expense. Jeez.

After finishing our meal, we asked for the change. The waitress gave us a tenner and some coins. We wanted to distribute the change evenly, so I asked her if we can have two fivers.

She came back with the two fivers, put the first one on the table, then the next thing that happened was unthinkable.

She put the second one in her pocket.

I was in a state of shock. Apparently (I researched this one as soon as I got home), when you ask the staff for breakdown of money, they will take 50% of it as their tip.

Jesus. I didn’t know. In a state of confusion and chaos, Gene, Art, and Tina scampered for the remaining change remaining on the table.

I was a little bit too late. They took all of it.

For those dimwits out there who can’t count, I will say it in a very simple way: It was as if I was the one who gave the tip to the waitress.

5 quid. What. The. Fuck.

“Guys, can’t we share the unexpected tip?” I pleaded.

“No, Josh, since it’s your first pay, you have to show some goodwill,” Art said. I stared at him in disbelief.

“I really have some change you know,” said Tina. Umm, I also have some change, you know.

“Look,” Gene pointed to the wretched waitress, “she looks very thankful!”

------

As we were walking back to Bond Street station, I kept on pleading to help share some of the burden.

“I’m still new here, so help me, please?”

“It’s just 5 pounds, just leave it ok?” Gene said a bit impatiently. I’ve had it. This just ticked me off.

“I’ll go back to Primark tomorrow to return my coat and get my 30 quid back. I never tip in Manila, and you guys are asking me to give 350 pesos as tip? This is madness.”

I didn’t even wait for them, as I quickly zoomed past the ticket barriers.

"Thanks for giving me such great new friends," I muttered, as I stepped inside the platform.

And my crush over Art dissipated almost instantly.

Flu in a Foreign Land

Yawn.

I stood up slowly and checked my temperature. I still feel hot.

I got sick last night because of the sudden change in temperature. It’s already getting chilly as October kicks in.

It will be my first day in Domino’s Pizza, so I have to show up even though my throat hurts like hell.

Finally, after a few weeks, Gene got to talk with the area manager to see if they can hire me. She and Tina both work at Domino’s. The problem though is the distance. The branch I will be working in is in far west London, about 1.5 hours from my home in Catford.

However, since my work in the Japanese restaurant is not enough to cover my monthly expenses, accepting the offer was the best thing to do.

I quickly opened a sachet of Lemsip then mixed it with a hot cup of water. I hope this will be enough to relieve me from the flu symptoms I currently have.

3 quid just for a few sachets. I’ll add something to Clusivol’s famous ad: Bawal magkasakit… sa Britanya.

A Day at Kensington

“You’re late,” Art said as he waved at me in front of South Kensington station.

“Sorry, mate, train’s delayed,” I said apologetically.

“Yeah no worries. Off we go then! I’ll show you around here,” he smiled at me.

As much as I want to think that this is only a friendly meet-up, I can’t help but think if this is a date or not. Not that I really fancy him, but there’s something in Art that lures me in.

Is it his very cute smile? Or is it his kindness that I don’t get from other blokes out there?

His text a few days ago was just too hard to resist. He wanted me to show around Kensington, one of London’s most high-end boroughs. Property prices can reach millions of pounds here.

“What’s that?” I asked. We were in this building with a dome-shaped roof.

“Oh, that’s Royal Albert Hall,” he said. “Lovely, just stand there, and I’ll take a pic.” He tested his photographic skills as he took his iPhone from his sling bag and adjusted the angle.

His enthusiasm is just so infectious. I can’t help but smile.

Before I can approach him to check how well he took the shot, he ushered me to pose by the stairs leading to Hyde Park.

“C’mon Josh! Act like a tourist just this one time! Walang hiya-hiyaaan!” he insisted as he managed to snap another candid shot of me.

Well, it’s true. I’ve learned to act like a Londoner within just a few weeks. Being a tourist again is hard in its own way.

“Great pic, mate! C’mon, I’ll show you where I’ve work before,” he said.

-----

“So, is this the place?” I asked. We were standing in front of a very minimalist building.

“Yes, it’s Imperial College London. Too bad I have to give up my job here as a document controller since I got a job offer from a Filipino bank here,” he said. “I should’ve referred you here mate… They pay high!”

“Yeah, too bad indeed,” I muttered. My current job only pays minimum wage, and it’s not enough to make ends meet.

We strolled around the area for a few more minutes before I heard my tummy growl. He must’ve heard it since he asked where I'd want to eat.

“Well, I dunno. Any cheap place to eat in this high class borough?” I asked sarcastically.

“Erm, McDo in High Street Kensington?” He seemed to play around with my sarcastic tone.

“Bring it on. Kudos to the 1.99 Deli of the Day. Haha!” I said.

----

“So why did you come here to the UK?”

I stopped munching my Chicken Sandwich. What a very serious question to ask, I thought.

“Erm, same as everyone. To  have a good life I suppose… And to have no restrictions at all when visiting the EU or the US,” I said. “How about you?”

“Of course, the same as you. Good thing you started your journey at an early age.” He looked at me intensively, as if he’s studying my facial features.

“But you’re only 29,” I snickered. “It’s not too late!”

“Bastos ka! I am only turning 26 this November ok?!” he said defiantly.

“But seriously, Art. If only we’re already stable in the UK, we can do anything we want.”

“Yeah I agree mate. It’s such a hassle to hold a student visa. Many big companies revoke their job offers as soon as they find out that you hold one,” he’s saying it as if it’s based from experience.

So he talked more about how he almost got an apprenticeship position in IBM but was cancelled because of his visa status. We also got to talk about our prospects here in London.

“If I just get a proper 9-5 job, we can go to West End and do some shopping every week,” I said.

“Indeed. Only one more year before we can transfer to a proper work visa.” That’s what I like about Art… talking about the very uncertain future.

We talked more about our future plans and aspirations. But then, Art made a comment that struck me.

“Josh, since it’ll be wintertime soon, you have to find someone to keep you warm during the cold months.”

I was speechless at this point.

“Hah? Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m not,” he said with indignation. “Just try Lovestruck.com out and you’ll see.” He smirked again.

“Don’t tell me you’ve tried it already,” I jested.

“Yeah, I did, and I found this cool British gal, and we just went on a date at the Royal Air Force Museum.”

I just stared at him in disbelief. Someone like him to do something like that? It’s absurd in its own way.

I was not liking the conversation as I tried to press him further about the girl’s background. He just kept his mouth shut for the whole duration of the meal.

Before I can insist him further on spilling out the beans, he said that he has to go home since he has an appointment to attend to. Tsk.

-----

“Hmm, if you want to pay the instalment on time, you must save like 200 pounds every month,” Art said, as the Circle line train we’re riding on moved past Gloucester Road station.

“It would be a challenge for me then. My take home pay after rent and transpo is like -240 quid.”

“Yeah, I think you should look for one more job. I’d like to help you but our bank’s under freeze hiring at the moment,” Art said.

We talked a bit more before he got off at Victoria station. As I saw him walking farther and farther away, a lot of questions popped out.

Um, who the hell is he dating? Why is he so secretive about it?

And why is my gaydar acting up whenever I’m with him?

Is it because I wanted him to be one so that I can have someone to talk to in a faraway land?

Josh, you’re making this so complicated.

Sushi Sanity

“You start work tomorrow. Be here at 6, ok?” said Nam, my new manager.

After almost 2 months of constant searching, I finally got a job. I don’t have to regret going to Shepherd’s Bush to play some pool anymore.

It’s not a glamorous one I should say… I will be just a mere kitchen porter in a Japanese take-away food chain outlet. Then again, I don’t want to burden my parents any longer. I have to help them subsidise the cost of studying in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

It is kind of ironic when the restaurant serves Japanese food, but all the staff (including the manager) are Korean.

I got trained by the current porter called Sing a while ago, and it was really a struggle since I can’t understand a word he’s saying.

Oo na… I am the arrogant one. But seriously, I do have communication problems when I talk to the following races: East Asian, African, and Indian. They have very thick accents that are not really comprehensible to the non-native English speakers from other nationalities.

I do hope I get this right, since I will be all alone next week, washing tons and tons of containers.

But do see the bright side Josh, as you can eat and take all the sushi you want.

All the sushi you want. Groan.